As a caregiver, you care with love and commitment, with your loved one's well-being always in mind. And, of course, with the desire that he or she be safe. So sometimes you take measures you think, “better this, than something happens.” A bed rail up. A door locked. A GPS tracker in the jacket pocket. They seem practical. Maybe even taken for granted. But these actions also limit, sometimes unnoticed, your loved one's freedom. It is then important to reflect on the question: Am I doing this for his or her safety? Or for my reassurance?
Do you consciously choose what fits? Or do you act automatically?
Precisely because you have become so familiar with caring for your neighbor, it is occasionally good to consciously reflect on what you are doing. And especially: why are you doing this? Not because one choice is necessarily right and another is wrong. There is no standard list of what should and should not be allowed in a home situation, because every situation is different. What fits one family may not fit another. What seems necessary today may not work tomorrow.
This is exactly why it is so important not to keep acting on autopilot. Not to act out of fear. But to think about what you are doing and to make conscious choices each time. For example, ask yourself, “What do I want to prevent with this?” Or, “What risks do I see? And do I find these risks acceptable?”. You can also try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself, for example, “How would I experience it if someone decided this for me?”. By (continuing to) ask yourself these questions you encourage, yourself to act more from what you and your loved one find important rather than out of habit and fear.
Stay in the conversation
If you find that you have doubts, it helps to have a conversation about this with the person you care for. Or else with people around you: family, friends or a trusted professional - such as the family doctor or home care worker. Staying in conversation ensures that you continue to explore together what is needed and what is practical. Some practical tips for entering into this conversation are:
Speak from yourself: Say what you think or feel.
Ask open-ended questions: Invite the other person to think with you (e.g., “How do you see that?”).
Acknowledge difference: Different opinions are okay. Highlight that.
Make it small: Discuss one topic and try a small step.
Come back to it: Keep having the conversation with each other.
Are you at a loss for words? Are you unsure about what you're doing right?
Are you unsure about the balance between protecting or freedom? Or do you just want to talk about how you handle it? We listen. Without judgment. And think along with you.
