Suzanne is a family caregiver and shares her experiences with other parents.
Recently I was in a company new to me. My six-year-old son is in a new school. He has nice friends and with four mothers we had spontaneously agreed to have tea with one of them on a Saturday afternoon. Of course with something nice. I baked a cake myself, in between parenting, work and care.
In this kind of new company, it is a matter of probing each other to see what you do and do not consider important. As individuals, but also as a group. I myself always feel somewhat insecure in these kinds of situations. After all, I do not fall into the category of ‘mother who has everything in order’. I fall more into the category: ‘I am very happy when I have all my clothes on and there is enough toilet paper in the house’. A goal that is not always achieved, I can tell you.
That Saturday afternoon felt relaxed. All kinds of topics passed in review. It wasn't long before someone cautiously suggested that motherhood can be pretty tough sometimes. She immediately received a lot of support. We were all familiar with informal care. About parents, partners, siblings and/or children. It was a relief to be among like-minded people. To be able to share that sometimes it really is a challenge to have that toilet paper in the house. And to be able to exchange tips. My personal life motto is: set the bar as low as possible! Then let's not have a tidy house. You can vacuum the floor tomorrow, too. Or maybe someone will do it for you. Accept that there won't be a healthy, home-cooked meal on the table every night. Set the bar as low as possible. An added benefit is that you can be enormously proud of yourself on those occasions when there is enough toilet paper in the house.
After several hours, we say goodbye to each other. It is worth repeating. We immediately agree with each other to set the bar collectively low. Untidy houses are more than okay. And we'll just buy cookies instead of baking our own cake. Or, even better, next time we'll all just bring a toilet roll.
How high or low do you set the bar today?
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