Suzanne combines work, care and parenthood and wrote a blog about it.
Recently, I was sitting with some (caretaking) women having a nice glass of wine when we got to talking about our society of men, because if there's one topic that lends itself perfectly to an evening of wine with women only... After spending hours reflecting on unequal roles and other challenges our society faces, we said our goodbyes to each other. We still wanted to know from each other what we were going to do over the weekend. One was getting demented parents (in law) to eat, another was going to help neighbors fill out all sorts of forms. Yet another was getting friends“ pets to stay and had to make another pan of soup for the sick neighbor across the street, and what did we say to each other? ”How sweet of you, how good of you to do that. Wow, how social of you. How nice of you to help people."
Mind you, these are women with above-average care responsibilities due to informal care whether or not combined with single parenthood. Once home, the conversation still echoed in my head and I felt my indignation grow. Why do we give each other compliments when we know that we ourselves are filled to the brim with our own troubles and also take on other people's troubles! Isn't that incredibly role-affirming? Doesn't this mean we are saying, “How good of you to take care of the whole world, even though we know you are overburdened yourself.” Why don't we say to each other, “Why do you do that? Stop doing that! Can't someone else do that? Say no more often!”
I plead for us women to start addressing each other a little more on this. “Girl, I got your back,” as far as I am concerned, also means: holding up a mirror to each other (lovingly). We don't always have to be there for someone else. We can choose more for ourselves. Yes, it is nice when the sick neighbor across the street gets fresh chicken soup, but at what cost? Isn't it my responsibility to make sure, above all, that I am well? Therefore, this tip: Know where your limit is and state it. Take yourself seriously in this. Because a better society starts with ourselves.
