Psychologist Emina of the organization Mijzo is involved in the Alzheimer's cafe. In this blog, she talks more about self-care and caring for your loved one with cognitive problems:
Let's go back in time for a moment: 1973. Researchers discovered that there are ten cranial nerves in the neck that have different functions. One of them is the vagus nerve, one of the most important nerves. It runs from the neck throughout the body and allows people to interact. Therefore, it was thought that memory was not in the brain, but in the gut, because there is a strong connection between the two systems. You probably know the saying, ‘I have a gut feeling.’’
In addition, the vagus nerve plays a major role in the functioning of mirror neurons. Therefore, there was no talk of ‘’survival of the fittest,’’ but rather ‘’survival of the friendliest,’’ because it allows us to connect with those around us.
What does this mean for me as a family caregiver?
You may now be asking yourself what this information has to do with caring for your loved one with cognitive impairment or dementia. The answer is simple: It alerts you to the fact that, despite cognitive damage, a person is still able to bond socially and take on feelings/moods. It is therefore referred to as code ‘’green’’ when someone is calm and somewhat relaxed. This is the starting point for making contact with your neighbor in a pleasant way. Are you tense or not so comfortable in your skin? Then it's good to get into code green yourself first, before going to your neighbor(s).
As a caregiver, how do I get into code green?
Here are some practical tips:
1. Co-regulation: Tune into someone who is already in code green and adopt that positive feeling.
2. Create a safe place in your mind: Think of something, someone or a place that makes you feel nice. Even if it is fictional, it can offer you peace of mind.
3. Focus on positive memories: What was the one thing you always enjoyed doing together? What great moments did you share together?
Do an abdominal breathing exercise before making contact: breathe in . 2, 3, 4.. out ... 2, 3, 4..rest...and repeat four times. In this way you massage from your belly through the lungs the heart, as well as arteries through the body and the brain, contributing to relaxation. Observe without judging: Notice your feelings without fighting them. It's okay, just let it be there.
When you are in code green, you can interact with your neighbor in a better way.
What does (and does not) work in contact with your neighbor?
- See your loved one as a person, not just as someone with dementia: Name what you see or feel, without judging. For example: ‘’It's hard too ... I can imagine it frustrates you.’’
- Avoid discussions: Give the other person (and yourself) time to get back into code green. Don't discuss things until you are both calm. For example, ‘’What just happened?’’
- Distract with repetitive questions: If your loved one asks to go home, don't engage in discussion about the question itself, but distract by asking substantive questions. For example, ‘’What did your home look like? What would mom and dad say now?’’ This is to distract the neighbor from
lead from the actual question. Doesn't that work? Walk outside with them for a while. Often, after 15 minutes, someone will want to go back by themselves.
- Talk in the here and now: Avoid conversations about the future such as “later,” “tomorrow” or “next week.” Focus on what is going on in the moment. For example, discuss food and cooking in the kitchen and the news on TV in the living room.
Conclusion
Your own well-being as a caregiver is very important for the quality of contact with your loved one. By first balancing yourself and consciously dealing with your emotions, you lay a solid foundation for positive and valuable contact.
Do you have questions about this? Please ask Emina via email: mantelzorg.oosterhout@surplus.nl
