Suzanne combines work, care and parenthood and wrote a blog about it:
My 7-year-old son was diagnosed with ASD. This did not come as a surprise, I had suspected it for some time. I did find it difficult to determine when ‘abnormal’ is also ‘problematic’. In my opinion it is a process in which the most important thing is: is he comfortable in his own skin? Is he doing well? Is he experiencing ‘trouble‘ himself? Questions that - hopefully - are recognizable for many parents.
The diagnosis...
When he entered grade 2 it became clear that he was lagging behind motorally. A physical therapist pointed us to Integral Early Help and through them the recommendation was eventually to have a diagnosis made. Yes, he was doing well, but it was a shaky balance and in group 3 the bar would be raised again. Therefore, given the waiting times, it was good to start this pathway early. The waiting time was indeed long. But the diagnosis came about carefully. Nothing but praise for the support from various agencies.
Playing alone
He is now in grade 3 and it became clear that he would indeed benefit from additional support. Recently I had a conversation at school about his social development. In principle I am happy with the attention given to this: I also know stories of parents where the focus is primarily (and sometimes completely) on cognitive development. We didn't have to worry about the latter, by the way. Socially, there were concerns. Sonlief plays alone sometimes, or maybe more often than sometimes. Teacher told us that when she saw this, she tried to ‘link’ him with other children. No doubt the teacher does this with the best intentions and yet I felt it necessary to discuss this.
Not ‘fixing’ everything’
Sonlief plays by himself. What is actually wrong with that? Why do we feel the need to ‘fix’ that by pairing him with other little kids? Some kids like to play with each other. That's fine. Other little kids like to play alone. That seems fine to me, too. Sonlief needs that alone time too, by the time he is allowed to play outside he has already had quite a lot of stimuli to deal with. Everyone is different. There is no one mold we all fit into, let alone have to go through. Differences can also be seen in cognitive development, the same goes for social development.
Favorite animal
Sonlief plays by himself. Does that immediately mean he is not developing well socially? He has friends. A friend comes to play regularly. I see friend books in which he neatly answers his favorite color (pink), favorite animal (cat) and favorite book (cat loves duck). He may later have two best friends instead of a large group of friends. Is that a bad thing?
In his element
Sonlief plays by himself. He often does the same at home. He is completely absorbed in his own imagination. He builds cities including city gates and Mario levels. I love to see how he can entertain himself and get very happy about it. He is completely in his element then.
Sonlief plays alone.
And that's a good thing.
He's fine like this.
